TwitterFarts

Hi Cruz hahaha (it’s an inside joke) Chuck Lidell (Chucklidell) via twitter. I hope I’m...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:24:26 -0500

Hi Cruz hahaha (it’s an inside joke)

Chuck Lidell (Chucklidell) via twitter.

I hope I’m part of an inside joke some day, that, sounds hilarious.

Tonight was incredible! Had the best time! Talked with Bono before he went onstage, he is such an...

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:59:17 -0400

Tonight was incredible! Had the best time! Talked with Bono before he went onstage, he is such an amazing man, i look up to him so much. :)

Paris Hilton via Twitter.

ROCK AND ROLL

Have any of yall ever ate SPAM, or a mayo sandwich or how about potted meat, or syrup...

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:10:24 -0400

Have any of yall ever ate SPAM, or a mayo sandwich or how about potted meat, or syrup sandwich,#iadmit I have ate them all and u?

ddockett (Darnell Docket) via twitter

Darnell Docket is a man desperate for two things ; Twitter infamy to the level of Ocho Cinco, and diarrhea.

I wanted to tell my mom when I grow up I wanna be a roach cause they roll deep and pay no bills and...

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:06:14 -0400

I wanted to tell my mom when I grow up I wanna be a roach cause they roll deep and pay no bills and do what they want. And they can FLY

The roaches we had took over house, they ate what they want, got in the refridge, talk back, took showers and wore our clothes TRUE Story

How manyof yall had roaches or still have roaches?We had so many in my house they took ovr I had the floor they had the bd, they had wings 2

ddockett (Darnell Dockett) via twitter.

Chances Arizona Defensive End Darnell Dockett completed third grade - Zero

RiversCuomo How could you not like Coldplay? RiversCuomo (Rivers Cuomo) via...

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:02:19 -0400

RiversCuomo How could you not like Coldplay?

RiversCuomo (Rivers Cuomo) via Twitter.

Lost…for….words…..off to put “Clocks” on and slip into a coma.

"OGOchoCinco Dis tweet is brought 2 u by Ocho Cinco Condoms. Feel d sensation of celebration everytime u touchdown."

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 19:53:00 -0400

RT @Kproveaux: @OGOchoCinco.. i went to go buy some occ’s (ocho cinco condoms) and they said i had to be at least12 inches<-read small print

OGOchoCinco Ocho Cinco condoms work 85% of the time, every time.

OGOchoCinco #yournotdaonly1 if she tells u she’s not that type of girl but has a drawer full of Ocho Cinco condoms!

- OGOchoCinco (Chad Ocho Cinco), via Twitter

If a jokes worth saying once, it’s worth driving it into the ground with a barrage of non-sensical tweets.

"@littlebamaguy How'd you like the Baja Fish Taco?"

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 12:29:00 -0400

-Long Silver’s (longjohnslvrs), via twitter.

That’s what she said, Long John Silvers.

"That's to funny. People definetly crack me up sometimes. (4got the movie) but "(he's) talkin loud then a mufu**** but ain't sayin shit."

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 12:22:31 -0400

-Kawika Mitchell (Ka_Mitchell55), via twitter.

The guys full name is Kiwanuka Mitchell, which I assume (bravely) that he can spell that, but yet he can’t spell “definitely”. That spelling mistake is the 33rd worst thing about this post.

Number 1 thing twitter has taught me: Percentage of NFL players who know the difference between two, to and too? Or their, there and they’re?

Too per cent.

"this entourage episode is so good, piven is great hahaha"

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 10:00:00 -0400

-ChuckLidell, via twitter)

How else does one of the worlds most dangerous men keep his edge? Entourage bitch.

But how does one of the worlds most dangerous men keep in shape??

“follow atrebunskaya my dance partner and don’t forget to vote for both of us tomorrow night. good night evryone”

Ballroom dancing, bitch.

"can only use twitter from my phone here in china even then its is hit or miss"

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:55:00 -0400

-Andy Roddick (AndyRoddick), via twitter

Well if you’re in China free internet roaming really is what you should expect.

"Why I Love Twitter Reason #652: You can get baked and reach out to celebrities you'd normally never run into otherwise. For example...Hey, @Alyssa_Milano My wife is a reader of the rags in the shitter, so by virtue of this, I wind up seeing a bunch of celebritards glaring at me vacantly any time I'm trying to brick, whether I wanna peep their physical perfection or not. But during recent poop, I saw that you'd gotten married. First, I'll skip the "Now he gives YOU 10%" marrying-an-agent jokes and simply say congrats. But more importantly (and here's why I wanted to write you in the first place): I thought the hay bales were a nice touch. Also, NJ Devils fans will always love you for this: http://tinyurl.com/yded36e Sincerely, Kevin Smith. PS: I'm gonna be on @jimmyfallon 2night."

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:34:00 -0400

- Kevin Smith(@ThatKEvinSmith), via Twitter

This was a 6 part tweet that might go down as one of the greatest ever.

"Esteban out, special prayer for you all as I cross my hands and thank God for all he's done for me, blessing me with my followers-Love yall."

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 22:08:00 -0400

- OGOchoCinco (Ocho Cinco a.k.a. Chad Johnson a.k.a Esteban), via Twitter

God works in mysterious ways, to the the self proclaimed black Mexican, Esteban, he gave 184,000 followers. To Mexico, he gave the swine flu pandemic.

"we're not the UFC. it's not real! I can beat up a midget any day of the week, and so could u! But who wants to see that? it makes me think that I'm responding to RETARDS!"

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:41:00 -0400

- Chavo Guerrero (Mexwarrior), via twitter

WWE wrestler Chavo Guererro, gets a bit defensive and flips out at fans after being made to lose to a midget every week on television! The incredibly bland mid-card latino jobber doth protest too much.

@shawnemerriman Challenge: me and you 8 round boxing match superbowl weekend in Miami before my team...

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 12:20:53 -0400

@shawnemerriman Challenge: me and you 8 round boxing match superbowl weekend in Miami before my team plays, I’ll Mayweather you all 8 rnds!!

@shawnemerriman I’ll break yo jaw son„, after you get yo mouth wired change yo name to ugly Betty!!!

@shawnemerriman man kiss da baby<—-if da baby don’t kiss back <—-baby is basically telling u child pleeze<—-(stewey voice<—family guy

@crimetime31 @shawnemerriman matter of fact„ new challenge<—- after I beat up shawne(Sha-nee) crow you get your a$$ whooped to!!! Pow

Ocho Cinco (OGOCHOCINCO) via Twitter

"What if when you took an animal to the vet, the vet was the same species as the animal you were taking?"

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:31:00 -0400

-John Mayer (JohnCMayer), via Twitter.

Your brain is not a wonderland.

"Lmfaoooooooo I just caught one of my teammates in a spanx lmfaooooo ahhhh mann . He saw me and was like WHAT UP u straight, lmfao to funny."

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:49:00 -0400

-Darnell Dockett (Ddockett) via Twitter.

Pro football is a stressful job, that’s why it’s good to have a good sense of humour. If anybody knows where Darnell Dockett could find one that works, let him know.

"The only positive to Swayzes passing is that he and Farley can now reinact the funniest skit in SNL history in heaven..."

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:35:00 -0400

-Chris Jericho (IAMJERICHO), via Twitter.

If the afterlife is just one big SNL skit, Jimmy Fallon better hope he lives forever.

"I'm twittering in my backyard in the hot tub looking at all my pets 5 pitbulls and a family of 6 dears."

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:28:00 -0400

-Chris Johnson (ChrisJohnson28), via twitter.

NFL player living the high life, owns multiple pit bulls….Think i’ve heard this one before….

"Can't wait to see Man U fans spin this one. RT @paheadband: welcome to the world of premier league controversy. http://bit.ly/BzCRV."

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:25:00 -0400

-Bill Simmons (Sportsguy33), via twitter.

Bill Simmons expressing anguish at Manchester United for getting favourable treatment from Refs during the Manchester derby.

It must suck when a big team unfairly gets the rub of the green.

COUGH TUCK RULE COUGH

COUGH SPYGATE COUGH

"Would somebody tell the camera man to get out my way when im doing the lightsOut dance i almost knocked him over."

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:17:00 -0400

-Shawne Merriman (Shawnemerriman), via twitter.

San Diego linebacker Shawne Merriman complaining about a lack of space for celebrations.

Merriman’s stats this year:

Solo Tackles: 3

Interceptions: 0

Sacks: 0

MTV Reality TV stars allegedly choked: 1